Found And Lost Read online

  Then again, as long as he didn’t know how I felt, I could leave at any time. We could be friends until then. “I was right; you are a stalker,” I stated, trying to sound angry when I felt kind of flattered.

  “No, I mean yes, well, maybe. I’ve never done anything like that before.”

  “Oh, so since your new at being a stalker. I’m supposed to be ok with it, is that it?” I pressed.

  “Geeze Mia, I couldn’t help myself. I guess you’re right; I’m a real jerk!” CJ replied, sounding miserable. I couldn’t help but reach out and touch his shoulder.

  “I forgive you, CJ. You’re not a jerk. Friends?”

  CJ looked into my eyes. I couldn’t describe the look in his. It was so intense it took my breath away. “Thank you, Mia; it’s a place to start.” I swallowed hard, suddenly feeling very vulnerable.

  After that, we changed the subject. Though my parents had prepared me as best they could for becoming a werewolf, there was so much I didn’t know. Like how being a werewolf was even possible. CJ explained, “All humans have the spirit of an animal in them. Most are unaware of it, while some can feel it inside them, guiding their wants and desires.

  American Indians were always more attuned to their Spirit Animal or Guide as they often called them. Shapeshifters were common among all the tribe's many generations ago. Back when their blood was pure before the modern world had cut many of them off from their heritage, almost all Indians could shapeshift into various animals.

  Most of us who can feel their animal nowadays have a significant amount of Indian blood in them. My father is a full-blooded Ute Indian. My mother is part Ute. In a werewolf, the wolf spirit is so strong that, when we reach the age of maturity, the moon calls it to come out and play. As we get used to the wolf in us, we can let it out whenever we want and are no longer governed by the moon. Our wolf’s pull does get stronger when the moon is full, forcing the change on us, however.” CJ explained.

  I learned there were packs spread throughout the country though most were in the western part these days because of the wide-open spaces. There were one hundred and twenty-three known werewolf packs in the US, a hundred and nine of which were part of an alliance.

  Pack size varied from as small as twelve to over several hundred. The Pagosa Springs pack had sixty-two members, most of which I had met last night, even if they were a blur in my mind.

  While most packs were governed by the elected Alpha, there were core rules they lived by for the protection of their species. Not revealing their secret to outsiders, except under specific conditions, like marriage to a human, was a big one. Never killing a human unless it was a life or death situation was like the ultimate rule.

  I found out the population of full-blooded werewolves was dwindling due to the lack of survival during the change as well as a low birth rate. At one time, there had been packs in every state, and many states in the Midwest had quite a few.

  Now, most of the remaining werewolves in the United States had a fair amount of Native American blood. It was believed the thinning of that blood was the cause of the problems with birth and survival rates.

  I also learned my mother had been a full-blooded Ute Indian who had run away from her pack to be with my father, who was a lone wolf. That was all CJ knew.

  He also told me, though it was an instinct to belong to a pack, some wolves chose to be on their own for various reasons. Some because they were cast out of their pack for breaking the rules, and some just preferred it that way.

  CJ had finished breakfast, meaning it was time to go to work. Once he left, I was wondering what to do with myself when Beth came out of the kitchen. “I want to show you something, Sweetheart.”

  She led me out to the main barn. Up the stairs to the right of the hayloft was a large room. As we entered, she told me, “I noticed you seem nervous with so many people coming and going at our house, so I thought you might like the privacy of your own place while you’re with us, instead of the guest room.” I looked around the loft. It was perfect.

  Across from the door was a big brass bed with a homemade patchwork quilt. Next to it was a bedside table with a stained-glass lamp and a radio alarm clock. To the left was a big, old dresser with a mirror and a vase full of fresh-cut wildflowers. Beside that was a large, comfy-looking, overstuffed chair.

  To the right was a wall that was one side of a small bathroom. The bathroom, though tiny, housed a small shower, a sink, and a toilet. Across from the bathroom was a counter with cabinets above and below, another sink, an apartment sized fridge, and a microwave.

  “It’s wonderful!” I exclaimed, hugging Beth. She hugged me back tightly and patted my back.

  The smile she gave me made me feel warm all over. “I’m glad you like it, child. When you’re done freshening up, come to the house.” Then she left me alone to get situated.

  I went over and locked the door. Then I spun around like a little girl. I flopped on the bed to find it soft and comfortable. Then I moved to the chair, which was equally comfortable. I peeked in the cabinets and found a pretty, floral set of dishes, cereal, soup, popcorn, bread, and other dry food items you could cook in a microwave.

  The fridge had some fresh fruit, milk, eggs, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, condiments, and sandwich meat. I glanced at the date on the milk and realized Beth must have stocked it for me today. It made me feel special.

  After I brought my things out, I took a leisurely shower and used the lotion I found in the medicine cabinet. Once dressed, I unpacked my meager belongings. I stuffed my money under the mattress. I hid my go-bag with my birth certificate, social security card, extra money, and various bank books under the bed.

  My photo album and my copy of Jungle Book I set on my dresser. Akela, my stuffed wolf, I put on the bed. There was a window next to the bed that opened to a fairly flat section of the barn roof. I thought it would be a perfect place to sit and watch the stars.

  When I finished getting my room the way I wanted it, I headed back to the house. Several of the ranch hands greeted me as I belonged there. I was beginning to feel like I did. I spent the rest of the day, helping Beth with the chores.

  When Beth insisted I take a break before dinner, I went back to the barn and gazed around the room. It felt like coming home. Could it be I finally had a home? I hadn’t realized how much I wanted one or how alone I’d felt until I found myself in this place with these wonderful people. Maybe my wish had finally come true.

  I was sitting on the bed looking at my photo album when there was a knock on the door. It was CJ. “Can I come in?”

  “Anytime,” I replied.

  CJ was dirty, sweaty, and, as always, looked amazing. He must have come straight from work to see me. A thought that made me smile. “What do you think of the place.”

  I knew I was grinning like an idiot. “I love it, CJ. Look, you can crawl out the window and sit on the roof. You can see the pond, the horses out in the fields, and the mountains. At night I can sit out there and look at the stars.”

  CJ grinned at me. “I’m glad you like it? Have you decided if you’ll stick around yet?”

  “I’d like to. If Jackson weren’t so close, I would stay in a heartbeat.”

  “We won’t let him hurt you, Mia. I swear.”

  “I know what he’s capable of, CJ. It’s not even me I’m worried about. I can’t risk any of you getting hurt because of me. We’ll see.”

  I felt his mood changed to one of unease though he nodded instead of arguing. “Is that your family?”

  “Yes. That’s my mom. Wasn’t she beautiful?”

  “You look like her, except for your hair and eye color. Clearly, you got that from your dad. Look at you.” Pointing to me, he commented, “You were adorable. How old were you in that picture, three, four?”

  “I was six. I was always small for my age.”

  “You spent a lot of time camping, huh.”

  “Every weekend. My folks wanted to make sure I knew how to survive on my own in case…” I
choked.

  “It’s okay, Mia, you don’t have to talk about it.”

  I patted the bed. “Sit and look at the pictures with me.”

  “I’m all dirty. I should go shower. I just wanted to see you. You know, to make sure you were settling in.”

  “It’s okay; I lived outdoors for four years. A little dirt doesn’t bother me.”

  CJ sat down. I flipped back to the front of the book. “I was born in South Dakota. We moved all around the Dakota’s, Washington and Wyoming.” I explained as we looked at the different places I’d called home at one time or another.

  I came to the last page. It showed a picture of the three of us on the stoop of our little house in Arizona. “We lived here the longest. I was ten when we moved to Prescott. We stayed there for almost two years. My folks thought maybe Jackson had given up. They were wrong.”

  Tears welled up in my eyes as I looked at a picture of the three of us standing on the front porch of our pretty little house, all smiles. CJ put his arm around me, pulling me close. “You’ve had a hard life Mia, but it looks like you were happy back then. Try to remember the good times. That’s what I do. There was ten years difference between me and my next oldest brother while there was only a year between each of them. My brothers and sister used to spoil me rotten. I remember we had the best times. I keep those memories with me always.”

  I leaned against his shoulder. “What happened to them?”

  “They didn’t survive the change.”

  “I’m so sorry, CJ.”

  “Me too.”

  CJ kissed my forehead, and I felt warmth surge through me. “I should go get ready for supper. See you there in a bit?” I looked up into his eyes. I couldn’t help wondering what it would feel like to feel his lips on mine. When I felt my cheeks heat, I quickly looked away. I’d never even thought about boys before. Now I couldn’t stop thinking about this one. Maybe staying here was a bad idea. I could get way too attached to these people.

  “I’ll be right down,” I answered.

  After supper was done and cleaned up, I followed the pack out to a clearing at the southwest side of one of the fields. They all started disrobing in front of each other like it was no big deal. Beth saw the fear on my face.

  Taking me by the hand, she led me into the woods a bit, as she explained. “Mia, there is nothing to be afraid of. There is nothing sexual about what we do. The change is a natural occurrence, and nudity is a part of it, a necessity, nothing more. You will come to realize that in time. Until then, do what feels right.

  Tonight, instead of waiting for the moon to force your change. I want you to search your mind. Your wolf is always there waiting to be released. Disrobe, relax, and let her come. I’ll stay right here with you.”

  I did as she bid. Searching my mind, I found my wolf willing and anxious to come out and play. Closing my eyes and concentrating, I could feel my body starting to change. As it did, I started to panic, remembering the excruciating pain from the night before.

  Beth kept reminding me to relax and go with it. I fell to my knees as pain shot through my spine. I concentrated on my wolf, willing her into being. As I did, my body stopped fighting. I could feel my bones shrinking, and my muscles constricting. Though it was still painful, it wasn’t extreme pain like the night before. I watched my hands turn to paws and felt a tickle all over as fur-covered my body. It was pretty amazing.

  After Beth and I changed, we walked back to the clearing. CJ was pacing back and forth. I could sense the worry in his mind. Charlie thought, “There she is, Dude, she’s fine. We told you she would be.”

  CJ trotted over and licked my face. “Are you ok?” He thought.

  “It was incredible to see and feel. Once I relaxed, thanks to your Mom, it hardly hurt.”

  As we had the night before, we ran, hunted, and played. CJ never strayed far from my side. Even in wolf form, I could feel his need to protect me. We all rolled and romped together. It was another glorious night.

  Just before dawn, we returned to the clearing. I went back into the woods where I’d left my clothes with Beth. “How do I change back like you all do?” I thought to her.

  “The same way you turned in the first place. Send your wolf to sleep in her den and let your human self will take over.” I tried, only my wolf didn’t want to go to sleep. She wanted to run, play, and be free. She wasn’t like me; she was proud, independent, and unafraid. A spirit unto herself. She never wanted to be human again, and she was stronger than me.

  Everyone had changed and gone home while I struggled to change back. Finally, it was decided I would go back to the apartment and sleep. When I woke up, I’d be human again. I walked back with CJ beside me, feeling kind of humiliated. When we got there, he opened the door to the loft for me.

  “You’ll be yourself in the morning.” As he turned to go, I grabbed his hand in my mouth, pulling him into the room. I didn’t want to be alone; besides, I’d gotten kind of used to sleeping beside him.

  “You sure you want me to stay?” He asked, even though he could no longer understand my answer. I jumped up on the bed and whined. As he laid down beside me with a laugh, he said, “This is different.” I snuggle against him, curled up, and went to sleep.

  When I woke up, I was still a wolf. A small part of me panicked, I ignored it. I stood up on the bed and admired myself in the dresser mirror. I was a shiny deep, copper, red color, and except for my eyes being brighter, they were the same green.

  Maybe I wasn’t a human who became a wolf; maybe I was a wolf who had accidentally started out human. If I stayed this way, I would be free of my past. Jackson would never find me. CJ began to stir. I leaned down, licking his face. His eyes flew open wide. “Holy Crap! I’ll go get my folks.” He jumped out of the bed, heading swiftly towards the door. I trotted serenely after him.

  When we entered the house, we found CJ’s parents in the great room watching the morning news and drinking coffee. Chase looked up as we entered the room. “Um, Beth, we might have a problem.” He commented, as soon as he spotted me.

  “Mom, Dad, I don’t know why she didn’t change back,” CJ told them in a panic.

  Chase looked at me and said, “Mia, let’s take a walk.” I nodded. I could feel his concern, though he remained very calm.

  Chase was a man very in control of his emotions. I’m sure it contributed to his leadership abilities. As we headed to the woods, he stopped to shift. “I suspect you don’t want to change; am I correct?” He thought.

  I didn’t know how to answer. “I tried, except I’m stronger as a wolf then my human self. Maybe it’s what I should be. Jackson can’t find me or hurt me or anyone I care about. I tried to become human, except my human self is scared all the time. My wolf is fearless. Can’t I just be a wolf?”

  “You could. Eventually, you would lose all sense of who you were. You would not be able to be a part of the pack because you would become wild. You’d lose the ability to communicate with us. Your humanity would disappear completely eventually. You would be a true animal.”

  “Would that be such a bad thing? My life as a human has been miserable. I lost everyone I loved.” I explained.

  “Our ability to choose, reach for our dream, create, empathize, separate our actions from our emotions and reason, our humanity if you will, are the things that make us different from animals. You’ve separated yourself as a wolf from your hurt and fear. If there is nothing in the human world for you, nothing worth living for, then you can choose to become a wild thing. You have but to remain as you are.

  Though I, for one, would truly hate to see you disappear. I know Beth and the pack are already quite fond of you. We would all hate to lose you. Most of all, I know my son has strong feelings for you and thinks you are his intended mate. Wolves mate for life. Werewolves do as well when they are lucky enough to find that one person they are meant to be with.

  Most werewolves don’t find their true mate these days. They go through life feeling like part of themselves
is missing. I was lucky when I found Beth. Our life has been full of happiness. Even with the loss of three of our children to the change, we survived and remained strong because we got through it together.

  There is a catch. The bond is so strong that if you lose your mate, it is almost certain you will soon follow. To me, it is worth the price to experience the kind of love I have for Beth. I want that kind of happiness for my son as well.” Chase explained

  “You think I’m CJ’s Mate? What if I don’t want to be his mate?” I thought incredulously.

  “I think you might be. It isn’t something you choose; fate chooses for you. If you are, you two haven’t bonded yet, so CJ would survive losing you at this point. CJ will either chose to follow you into this choice you’re considering, or he will become a shadow of the man he’s meant to be. He would go on as any human does; nevertheless, he would never feel complete or fully get over losing you. He would never find another to love as completely as he does you. My question is, do you care enough about him to live your human life and find out?

  Your past is over, Mia. We won’t let Jackson hurt you. I failed you and your mother when I left you that day. I was afraid of what Jackson would do to you if he found you, knowing this would have been the first place he would look.

  It was the biggest mistake I ever made. Just that one encounter with you was enough for you to take up residence in my heart. I’ve looked for you ever since. You can have a real home here with us, Mia. I know your mother would have wanted that for you. You have a chance at a good life, with good people who truly care about you. Maybe it’s time to stop running and take a stand. Don’t let Jackson control your life.

  Take some time to think about it. I know we can never replace your parents, yet you already feel like part of my family. Isn’t it worth taking a little time to find out if you can be happy here with us? You can go wild anytime, but once you reach the point of no return, you can’t come back. It’s clear you can survive on your own; therefore, I won’t try to force my opinion on you. The decision is yours, Mia.”